Slightly Unhinged
by She-who-loves-fanfiction
Summary: OMG I have something hilarious to tell you! Hang on- AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Okay- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH... No but like- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... It's not funny. His hair! His smile! His beautiful habit of spewing food everywhere when he feasts! My Won-Won is GLORIOUS! What can I call him? WON-TON? WON-WON. OMG YES PARVATI PARVATI LOOK WON-WON! (FUNNY LAV-LAV FIC [hopefully])


Thursday  
5:57 pm:  
This week's edition of Witch Weekly has really got some nerve. I mean, what sort of supposedly female-orientated sexist hot pink magazine has a quiz centered on dating scrumptious wizards and doesn't ask whether you would die for him?  
Would I die for him?  
I do. Everyday.

As my soulmate Ronald once said, 'Bloody Hell'!

You see, dear reader, I have been kissed by the ever blooming blossom of love, and become entangled by in its beauty.

Oh, even the thought of him sends shivers down my spine. Although that may have been more down to the fact that Parvati left the window in the dormitory open, my heart is still racing!

Oh, my, my, my. Ronald Weasley.  
His hair! His smile! His beautiful habit of spewing food everywhere when he feasts! My Ron-Ron is GLORIOUS!  
Ever since he defended my honor when facing the infernal MISS PRISSY PANTS three years ago I knew that we were meant to be. He swooped to my rescue at my darkest hour as I wept over Binky my rabbit (RIP) and has been embedded in my heart ever since.

All throughout Transfiguration I could feel his eyes on the neon pink, flashing and spontaneously singing badge pinned to my back that I had designed solely for the purpose of gaining his attention! Professor McGonagall told me to "Take it off, Miss Brown. I didn't think we were auditioning for the circus," which I didn't really appreciate, but it made Ronald look at me even more, so I suppose it was just a fellow witch helping out another. After all, Professor McGonagall owes me some help ever since she allowed SHE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED to FRATINISE with my darling! It was a direct sabotage of my most desperate efforts, and one that I will not forget even in my dying days.

7:23 pm:  
Sorry I took so long to return, reader, but I had to go down to dinner. I usually do not like the vegetables they serve at dinner (the house elves must adore broccoli) but tonight I spent an extra-long time eating because they had carrots.  
Carrots! Ah, carrots! I got myself a full plateful. Nothing else, just carrots.  
I never normally like them, but their striking resemblance to a certain love god's hair drove me to eat the whole bowlful that was on our end of the table. I made sure I sat right in front of Ronald and ate the entire plate in front of him, as quickly as I could (because I do really hate carrots). He looked slightly alarmed. Possibly because I have never expressed as opinions on the fiery vegetables before, or due to the fact that no one had ever so bravely undertaken such a dangerous task to show their support and appreciation for the color of his wavy locks, which is, like the carrots, a distinguished shade of orange. Obviously.

Anyway, when I got back from the Hospital Wing after getting a potion to clear my indigestion (from the carrots) from Madam Pomfrey, I staggered up to the common room door and tried to remember the password.  
Alas, it was all in vain, because I could not recall it!  
But never fear, valiant reader, because undying love is the key to many locks.  
(I had to wait until another Gryffindor came along, but whatever.)

Ronald was posed majestically in the chair next to the fire, arms and legs thrown outwards and speaking to SHE-WHO-WE-WILL-NOT-TALK-ABOUT, which apart from HER was a spectacular sight that brought tears to my eyes, to the extent that I was full-blown sobbing on my knees on the carpet in front of him. How _embarrassing_ it was, reader! I would have cried from the humiliation of it, except I was already crying. Ronald looked in awe of my love from him, and slightly worried, which was so gallant of him, and shows how much he LOVES me and how we are made for each other.

9:20 pm

I am up in my dormitory now. Parvati took me back to Madam Pomfrey for a calming potion, and she said, "What in the name of Merlin's left shoe are you doing back here again Miss Brown?", which was nice of her to ask, and then Parvati answered, "She's gone nuts," to which Madam Pomfrey laughed, "You mean she wasn't already?", which was very observant of her, then she gave Parvati a vial of the Draught of Peace and warned me, (though I couldn't hear her because I was daydreaming about Ronald's belly button), "Don't come back here again tonight or I'll have to give you my favorite medicine for people who are-"  
"Heartsick?" I interjected, and she looked at me with a curious expression on her face which might have been appreciation of my wisdom or disgust.  
"Heartsickness. The most notorious epidemic spreading throughout girls like you. Tell me, what is the cause of this… _pain_?" She winced.  
"Ronald Weasley," I breathed, euphoric.  
"Right," She said, looking unimpressed. "Can you stop wasting my time, please?"  
So we left.

I have his picture on my bedside table, and I'm gazing at it adoringly. It is the photo that I cut out of the Daily Prophet in third year, but I've covered it up with a photograph of my face so that MISS KNOW-IT-ALL can't see it because she'd find out and become jealous and start trying to compete more feverishly for my Ronald's affections. Not that there would be a competition, because he is my soulmate. He is beautiful. He is the object of my everything.

I'm going to go now, reader, to add some more glitter to my R.W.A.B, or my Ronald Weasley Attraction Badge.  
Toodle pip!

Friday  
5:57  
I wonder…if I cut off my foot and hit someone with it, would I be hitting them or kicking them…  
HMMMM…

Anyway, hello! It is very early. Awfully early. Disgustingly early. Nearly six o'clock. I just can't handle it, honestly. The bags under my eyes are going to be MAHOOSIVE by the time I manage to get some more sleep, but vivid dreams about Ronald have kept me awake for the past few days, so I'm going to have to resort to smothering the rest of my face in purple eyeshadow so that it matches. I've been up since four applying it, but I had to stop halfway through because I accidentally put on the purple shimmery eyeshadow, which did not match my eye bags, so I had to start again.

Parvati is snoring rather loudly. She sounds like a crocodile.

Anyway, I should probably to go, Professor Trelawney predicted mist for today, and I have Transfiguration with the love of my life so I have to go straighten my hair as mist makes it frizzy. Ta ta!

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She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


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